My list is long. Where to start? With the easy thing...
My health. The state of my mobility, or lack thereof.
That is difficult. For years I have thought if I ever reached this point. If I ever couldn't walk without assistance, If my legs failed me, or the fatigue robbed me of the ability to take more than 20 steps without resting, I would handle it with grace. I would be thankful in the moment. Grateful for the opportunity to learn something. To show others that I still trusted God in spite of it all.
I had visions of me scooting around in an electric scooter or requiring the assistance of my walker and being content. Guess what? I'm not.
The truth is, it's completely
So I have to say that today, I'm still in a place of learning to be thankful to God for this. I am grateful. Grateful for His patience with me. Grateful for His promises to never leave me. I'm grateful...but I'm still dealing with the fact that it's unfair and I mourn the losses...oh how I mourn my losses. At times, to the point of depression, to the point of admitting defeat and not even wanting to bother at all. My thankfulness is misdirected and needs adjusting for sure. But for today - I'm just grateful that I'm even able to acknowledge that this is the most difficult challenge I've had to face in my life. And yes - I hate it. When I'm actually grateful for the lack of mobility...well...I'll let you know.
So there you have it. The hard stuff. The end.